Amy MacBeath

So there I was this morning, minding my own business and brushing my teeth when I look out the window to see a lady feeding what was already a rapidly expanding flurry of white in the sky.  You guessed it..seagulls..on a school football pitch no less!

There are two things I quickly derived from this sitation with regard to said lady:  (one) she clearly did not live within at least a couple blocks from the scene of the crime and (two) you can bet your bottom dollar that, assuming she owns one, her car was not parked within the vacinity of said incident…let alone ten metres from these windscreen staining horrors.  Incidently, mine was.

So what on earth possesses these people to take pity on these vermin of the skies?  It is not as if they have the “aw” factor and have in many incidents proved their scavanging skills to be up to scratch (remember the seagull shopper who popped to the corner shop for a packet of crisps?)

Plus they are viscious – ever been swooped at or had your chippy stolen and you will know what I am talking about. 

 I mean ducks I get.  Swans, sure!  I draw the line at geese actually since one hissed at me with the most evil glint in his eye that ensured I have never gone near one since.

But don’t even get me started on pigeons.  Mary Poppins has a lot to answer for.

(It’s the sing-a-long version!!)

It’s all very well encouraging children to speak to strange homeless people in the streets aka crazy bird ladies but brainwashing them into thinking feeding these pests really doesn’t seem logical.  Although a true classic, it did lead to further promotion of pigeon/human interaction (see Home Alone 2). 

I spent a couple of days in Venice in the summer and imagine my horror when I spotted several parents encouraging their poor, defenceless children to be overcome with flea and disease ridden specimens…all for a photo for the family album.  The last thing I would want in my hair is a pigeon so why subject the young and vulnerable to this spectacle?  Correct me if I am wrong but kids are meant to chase them away or run in the opposite direction!

Now does this look like a happy camper to you?

And another thing…why do they always have stumpy claws for feet?  Is this an urban trend with these street pigeons as I swear only the cosmopolitan ones seem to go with this quirky style.  I am sure there is no such thing as a fashion faux pas for animals of the flying variety but surely this should be looked into.  It just seems cruel. 

There is of course the other side of the argument and those that see the benefit of our winged friends…or should I say nutritional value.  Why not take advantage of the full flavour of a flying rat with a Gordon Ramsay recipe? The difference here, as one man of an Eastern European nationality up north proved, is that this tasty delicacy doesn’t have to carry the same price tag as it’s woodland counterpart.  No, no…look no further than your window ledge for tonight’s dinner.  Or if you are not in the mood for the preparation that would be required, you can always try your local chinese to see if they have Larus canus on the menu?

Fancy a facial?  For those interested in ‘green living’ for a couple hundred bucks you can relax and pamper yourself with poo…quite literally.  Apparently geishas used bird excrement to remove makeup and its ingredients are used in some rather expensive facial cocktails used by the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow.

So, next time you are strolling along a sidewalk with a handful of crumbs in your pocket and you see a poor, helpless, over-sized gull giving you the puppy eyes…I beg of you to consider your fellow neighbour and resist the urge to give that little fellow a wee treat.  It will come back to haunt you.  Or my car.

FYI – Glasgow City Council’s advice on the pests, should you ever need it, can be found at http://www.glasgow.gov.uk/en/Residents/Environment/PublicHealth/

So I know that the world of blogging is generally meant to be a means to reflect and debate topical issues and invite opinions of peers…all very cultured…

BUT

Whatever happened to the classic sketched cartoons – anyone remember such delights as Charlie Chalk…Penny Crayon…Family Ness?  Delve deep into your inner child’s mind and relish the memories of the happiness these brought to our wee lives…

In an era where everything is now digitally animated from Disney to Noddy, not forgetting the crime that is the destruction of Postman Pat (never mind the fact that he has a wife and child now!), have these cartoons lost the charm that once made them so appealing?  To a generation of kids from the 70s and 80s who enjoyed the magic of now low-quality cartooning, are these enhanced tales as pleasing as the treasures we grew up with?  Is it just me or are kids today missing out on the quirkiness that were Button Moon, Dangermouse and even the later Count Duckula?

To bring in a whole other field of childhood favourites, would children today spend fifteen (golden!) minutes watching a programme about a hard-working factory machine…I doubt it! Gone are the days when presenters could stick a gopher on their arms or some random bloke could base a whole character around a mysterious hand in a glove gesturing at the side of the screen. Last time I saw Postman Pat, his son (yes, he did go there!  I know, I was just as shocked as I can quite believe you are) was emailing his buddies…I mean, come on.  At 5 years old who wants to watch a cartoon based around the hi-tech world that the children will spend the next goodness knows how many years trying to avoid.  Is it that tragic to just learn to count with a vampire anymore? 

Can kids really get the modern education they require without learning family values from the Wombles, learning about science and space from the Clangers, develop travel ambitions from Paddington, health from the Cookie Monster and the importance of saving the environment by recycling from Oscar?  I ask you.

 The Poddington Peas…

….the beginning of gang culture??? 

And what is with creating giant “creatures” with deformed one eyed faces that have freaky names which come in every colour of the rainbow….give me Fraggle Rock or Bert and Ernie any day!

Maybe I am a cynic but I think the imagination and original creativity seems to have been lost and generic animated or loony puppets appear to be taking over kid’s viewing.  What once was pure and innocent viewing brings about all sorts of controversy and all that is left is for kids to be patronised by stripy, fluffy things or laughed at by baby faced suns.

The sad reality is that maybe I have just grown up and don’t get it anymore. Sad but quite possibly true.

I will leave you with one final gem from the archives though…a personal favourite.

Enjoy kids!

Many of you will recognise the stereotypes those of us who come from the great unknown north, otherwise known as the Highlands of Scotland, are used to. 

Believe it or not, these days (my great granny didn’t!) we do have electricity, we do have running water and shops and most of us have internet…these islanders haven’t all managed to catch up yet.  

However - we don’t run around the battlefields anymore (I have only been to Culloden about 6 times and I can assure you, I walked..slowly..the bogs are scary looking places), the men in kilts with the red manes flowing…it’s just not practical in the modern climate.  And yes, there may be sheep (no further comments are necessary on that part of the stereotype) and many of us may have a slight knowledge of farming despite the fact we live in a city - that’s just part of our charming culture.       

I, as you know, do not speak Gaelic, am not a red head (close one though!), do come from a civilisation where people have phones and shop in Tesco (Inverness is also commonly known as Tesco Town for those of you who always wanted to know that) but I still do consider myself very much a Highlander and would have been a proud jacobite back in 1746 (I’m aware I am missing a Y chromosome but you get the point). 

My favourite bar may be called Hootananys where they play some good old ceilidh music (Phil and Ally and Wolfstone members visit regularly) and old men dram into the wee hours…

On sunny days we do go to Loch Ness but not to say hi to Nessie but cos the Dores Inn serves a good pint!

So people may joke but at the end of the day we are the ones living the ‘high life’…(it is a Friday afternoon give me a break!)

Off to get my granny off a bus now (quite literally) but I hope that next time you meet one of us you will be able to appreciate the fine, cultured being that is a Highlander!

Tìoraidh!

As we are being reminded daily, the world of journalism is heading online.  We watch our news online, listen to radio programmes online and read our papers online.  National newspaper readership figures reflect this downturn with a general decline of an average of 2-3% ,with some major players reporting a decline of over 7%.

However, whilst the general emphasis appears to be on the move to interactive news, local papers and regional titles appear to be holding their own.  Local papers are regarded to be a safer option by some and one former Daily Record sales rep told of how he, along with many other national reps around Scotland, are increasingly facing redundancy.  At the same time, local circulation teams for regional press publications have been reporting a lower than average loss of readership eg the Press and Journal in the Highlands sitting at -1%. 

So, whilst journalists everywhere are honing their podcast skills and brushing up on their blogging it seems the future for local newspapers is a fairly secure place to be (for now at least) and their role as the heart of a community remains a vital organ for daily news, information and of course, gossip. 

There will always be a need for local newspapers and when retirement eventually reaches each us all, a reason to walk to the corner shop!